woensdag 12 februari 2014

Adventures vs. safety

When I grew up in my hometown I never really appreciated the place. It was small, not close to any cities or activities and, most of all, it seemed to be filled with people who where all very different from me. I never could find any connection and the arrogant teenager I was, I tended to call them simple minded. Now I can see they just have a different mindset than me. Anyway, for most of my teenage years I almost counted the days until graduation. I felt almost locked up in this town where I couldn't be myself and I had big plans. Whereas most of my peers wouldn't dare to think about leaving their trusty hometown, I couldn't wait to move, as far away as I could. I dreamt of a tourism study in the other side of the country, going to internships in foreign countries and ultimately moving to a new country. I wasn't just feeling out of place in my town, I was done with the entire Dutch culture all together!

Ironically, almost the opposite happened. I fell in love in the last months of my last year. I changed my plans and moved to a small city, relatively close to my hometown. In the first year of living there with my -now ex- boyfriend, the person I was with the big plans was no where to be seen. I opted for safety. I started to see my former dreams as just a teenage phase and enjoyed living in a safe bubble.

Recently, I feel that urge for travelling in the same strength again as I used to. It is like finding an old piece of clothing (clothes just have a very sentimental value to me okey!) and remembering  why you used to love it so much. You might start wearing it again, maybe not exactly in the way you would've before but you adapt it to your new style. I feel like I've found that passion again, but the dreams are adapting to the person I am now. For example: Where I used to dream of moving to basically anywhere, I realize now that I should stick to Europe so I am close to my family. Instead of seeing everything black and white, going or not going, I'm starting to mix my sense of adventures together with my longing for safety. It will be an ongoing internal conflict, but hey, I'm basically made of those ;)

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